… but at least I have people that I’m talking about it with.
Besides the medical professionals that are helping me with my situation, I’ve also started leaning on a friend, M, here in town who is also an eating disordered, recovering heroin addict. She was instrumental in convincing me that the dangers of going back on some sort of medication assistance for my heroin addiction outweighed the benefits.
We had a pretty good conversation after the EDA meeting yesterday. She’s feeling just as beat down by life as I am these days, which I feel awful about. Our struggles have a great deal of overlap, which seems to afford both of us a great deal of comfort and the ability to be honest in a way that we find difficult with others.
So, we’re both prepared to set boundaries, if either one of us starts to overwhelm the other. She knows my short term goal is to stay alive (and, by extension, to not use heroin) until the end of the year at which point I’ll have insurance again and be able to up my level of care, if I haven’t gotten any better. She, and others, are impressed at the steps I’m taking to not self-destruct. I’m going to continue to pull out all of the stops to not blow up.