Back Together with the Wife

Monday night, I got a call from my wife saying there was a problem at the ashram and she no longer felt secure there. Less than two days later, she was (and still is) in my house.

She’s most likely going to make the move permanent but it was sudden and unexpected and has thrown my roommate, A, and I for something of a loop. A tends to become stressed, as many do, when changes like this crop up. That, I’m turn, stresses me. Don’t get me wrong, my wife and I were planning on moving in together assume, we just hadn’t set a date yet. And, as excited as I am to potentially be living with my wife again, I definitely still need a little time to ‘process’.

Some of the concern A has is space. I had a lengthy discussion with my therapist about the situation this morning. A wanted to reclaim a bedroom as an office. I am willing to pay two-thirds of the rent, if she is willing to forego the office idea. I’ll be sitting down Saturday do write a DEARMAN/FAST worksheet to maximize my interpersonal ineffectiveness with a focus on self-respect. It’s a Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) tool. I’ve used it before and I’m using it this time to present options and to hopefully get my desired outcome while not torpedoing my relationship with A nor throwing myself under the bus. I’m guessing this would be a challenging situation for most people. From a borderline perspective, it would basically be impossible without the DBT.

As for some of my personal stress, I’m fairly certain that having my wife here will significantly reduce my odds of a heroin/meth relapse. That’s great. It makes me nervous (scared?) because I am far from being in a healthy place, with respect to substances, and, sadly, part of me would still really like to use again, even knowing that it would probably kill me.

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