Nine months ago, I was at an AirBnB with my then BFF, getting high (heroin).
Tonight, I am at an AirBnB with my now BFF, and am high (kratom, weed, maybe some MDMA tomorrow or the next day).
I want to hope, a lot has changed.
I really do want to know what’s changed. Some things are obvious. The ‘externals’. I’m not in the middle of running away. The AirBnB is not my only home. I’m in a stable spot. I’m on a fucking lease, for crying out loud. I have multiple supports, including the form of a completely unexpected therapist. And I’m not fucking around with heroin.
But I’m just happy I can finally get high again with someone I love.
But that sounds like addict bullshit.
I really want to believe what’s happening is sustainable. I still struggle with accepting that I may be able to safely use some things. I continually facilite between thinking this a fantastic idea and this is a horrible idea. Time will tell…