(TW – I’m stoned)
I was just going to allow myself to do a ‘deep dive’ into my psyche after consuming cannabis. Specifically, I wanted to think about why I have so much self-loathing. As I started in I wondered how it came to pass that I hated myself so much. And I realized I only really hate myself if I stop to think about it. I also noticed that I’ve been doing that less lately (!). Then, I magically broke through my black and white thinking to realize I’m not going to just wake up one day where I suddenly love myself. More likely, I’ll just go longer and longer between having thoughts of those kinds and maybe I just noticed that starting to happen.