I Walked Away.

I was at the bus stop. Across the street were a man and a woman. I recognized them from my bus ride into NW to go to the Alano Club. I noticed them because their appearance strongly indicated they were addicts.

So, that thought was already in my head. Now, across the street, they each lit a cigarette. Then, the woman got something out. I couldn’t make out what it was. My brain decided to fill in the missing pieces. Some of the things she had out had the color orange in them that reminded me of the safety caps on rigs. So, I believed she had rigs (I don’t think she actually did). And she was going through several small, white things (I think) which I immediately decided were used cottons. And in the 30 seconds it took me to decide all that, I became very badly triggered.

I hesitated for about three minutes, during which time I wrestled with crossing the street and introducing myself.

And the I walked to a different bus stop. I was quietly speaking out loud to myself at this point, ordering myself to not buy drugs as I moved on.

I’m on my way to hang out with some Refuge friends now, which is good, and the immediate threat of picking up has passed.

This was at least a partial success in that I didn’t buy anything I shouldn’t. It’s still alarming that I can come so quickly and unexpectedly have an urge of that magnitude blanket me. I do know that there have certainly been times where I’d be with those people right now and not posting here.

5 thoughts on “I Walked Away.

  1. Way to be!!… There may always be temptations, but we must run away from them… You may have had the thoughts, but you moved in the right and safe direction…

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you. You’re absolutely right. I’m trying harder to recognize myself making better choices like that and it definitely helps to have people point stuff like that out.

        Liked by 1 person

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