I know I’ve brought up the possibility of having a therapy session while tripping. There’s still a lot of gray involved in doing that. So, until my therapist can figure out a way to make that happen without endangering her license, that’s temporarily on hold. What is completely legal, at least here in Portland, is using cannabis in therapy.
I’d been considering that for a while now. I even brought my vape with me today, just in case. It turns out, my therapist was thinking the exact same thing. We discussed it and I timed my hit so I could spend the first half of the session sober and the second half stoned.
I think it worked in that I wound up talking about a couple of important items that I don’t think I would’ve brought up otherwise. I was definitely much more comfortable. I mean, I never feel like I can’t say anything in there but I was lying down, cracking jokes and actually getting into some really interesting items that were evidently in my head.
I would say that it was definitely beneficial. I don’t want to go into sessions stoned because my thinking is definitely altered when I’m like that and I still need to do work and discuss things with a clear head, but (and I’ve discovered this somewhat on my own already) my mind seems to go to some pretty interesting places that it has trouble accessing while I’m sober.
All of this is still very weird to me. I’ve never considered the medical benefits of cannabis before. Prior to me picking up kratom several months ago, I used substances strictly to get ‘fucked up’ (actually, I know now, to dull the near constant psychic pain I deal with). Weed, in particular, I disliked because I always felt stupid when I was stoned. In the last few weeks, I’ve come to realize my thinking is more altered than necessarily diminished. And altered in such a way that allows me to see many of my dysfunctions from a much more objective perspective.
But I don’t entirely trust it. Despite the evidence, I remain reluctant to believe that smoking weed (or using psilocybin or LSD or whatever) can actually help me in this way. It does, however, seem to be working. It does seem to be helping me to stay away from heroin. So, I’m going to continue on this course.