In Love (Again)

I feel almost stupid writing this. I fall in love too quickly, too hard and with, probably, not the most appropriate people (love that BPD!). I’ve actually seen this coming for a while. I mean, she has been my ‘favorite person’ for some time. Before I go much further, I should say that she does have a boyfriend and we have a substantial age gap. That’s fine. I’m not indulging in unrealistic expectations. I’m more acknowledging, validating and enjoying this amazing feeling I’m having toward this woman.
This woman is, of course, L. We have always had a pretty strong connection and definitely love each other. We have told each other as much. And I have gotten to the point that the thing I want to do most is hang out with her.
Anyway, when she arrived for Thanksgiving, we shared an unusually long hug and, as we pulled away, we remained quite close and there was a moment I thought we might kiss (entirely in my head, no doubt). The rest of the afternoon and evening included noticeably more incidental touching than usual. The highlight was the ten minutes that I lay my head next to her while she stroked my hair. It was the most loving and caressing experience I have had in a very long time.
Her boyfriend was around the whole time. He even commented on the hair stroking thing after we wrapped up. He didn’t seem bothered or anything, which was cool (though I obviously had no idea what he was thinking). I mean, I have no intention of trying to make a move or anything. I respect her current relationship and, again, the age difference.
Omg, but if she were a little older… I love making her laugh. When I was making jokes, I was coming up with one’s that she, and pretty much just she, would get (successfully). I later realized that I’ve been customizing my jokes for her for a while. She is the only person I allow myself to make drug jokes with at all any more. Her responses are just too fantastic. She sends them back at me too. She had a classic a little over a month ago. We were in Soma and I was talking about how my life really fell off a cliff a couple of years ago. She leaned in and, in an almost yente-like vice asked, “Oh, [my name here]… was it the heroin?”. We lost it. And the fact that she is comfortable enough with me to say something like that is fantastic.
Ok, I could write more but I’m tired. I’m sure I’ll write more about this in the near future.

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