Dark Web Redux (TW – Rolling)

This was really hard to write. I started writing it 5 days ago. And I just accidentally erased it but I will do my best to recreate.

Trigger Warning: I am rolling hard (MDMA) right now.

In a nutshell, on Saturday, my roommate A approached me out back having a cigarette and told me to feel free to order the 3 substances (LSD, MDMA, mushroom) from the dark web.

I actually did pause for, maybe, 30 minutes (and that was a struggle) and 30 minutes and $95 later, I had 1gm of MDMA, 8 tabs of LSD and 14g mushrooms purchased for the household. When I first made the purchases, I felt very guilty, for the first time ever, despite buying all sorts of nasty goods in the past in complete secrecy, even though I’m being fairly open about the whole thing now. I don’t know? Maybe buying drugs on-line is something… I like it too much. Too easy, Too good. To cheap. And so I tell on myself every chance I get.

Needless today the MDMA arrived and split the 1gm of MDMA into 8 capsules (~125 mg/ea). After my second use, I pushed the MDMA at J and told him to hold onto it, so I don’t burn through the stuff in under 24 hours (hell, it probably wouldn’t last twelve).

Two months ago, when we initialized discussed using the dark web to keep us in gear.

Ok. I’m having difficulty focusing right now but I want to put this out now.  I’ll come back a bit later, when I can do that better. Rest assured that I am in quite positive mental health right now. But yes… my therapist suggested I focus on ‘self-love’, ‘gratitude’ and ‘pet dogs’. I already told her I was able to catch myself starting to spiral when the MDMA first kicked in, which is kind of a big deal for me.

Love my therapist.

Love myself.

Ttyl. Gonna listen to music and shower myself. Send me suggestions, I can make a lot of the happen via voice command (yay, amazon echo). Anyway, there is a lot going on. Later…

 

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