Whack-A-Mole

I referenced the whack-a-mole behavior that I go through with symptoms recently. My ability to start Suboxone a few days ago was probably one of the most significant steps I’ve taken to combat that. Today, I started feeling pretty positive about my substance struggles as the medicine really started to kick in. And, as I […]

Suboxone

A week ago, I was ready to cancel my appointment to start on Suboxone again. The prescriber at the Portland DBT Institute recommended I keep the appointment, just in case, and I’m glad I did. Whenever I really start working my recovery hard, like I started with my eating disorder three weeks ago, my other […]

Not Sleeping as Self-destruction

My sleeping has been inadequate the last couple of weeks. I seem to fall asleep alright but I find myself waking between 3.30am and 5am with the urge to get out of bed and start my day, even if I’m tired. I just realized a few days back that my judgment is significantly impaired when […]

Coincidence?

Do you believe in coincidence? Serendipity? Synchronicity? A confluence of events? N and I found ourselves sharing a bus today on a line that neither of us rides regularly. We had about 5 minutes to catch up before she had to get off of the bus. She shared that she had just been speaking of […]

Starting to Feel Better

I almost don’t want to write this, less I jinx myself, but I’ve felt better today than I have in a long time (at least months). I’m trying to have appreciation for it and acceptance that I will feel like shit again at some point. That’s just the way things are. I’m chalking it up […]

Orthostatic

I’ve only ever had orthostatic blood pressure taken as part of ED treatment, though I assume it’s used in other cases as well. For those unfamiliar, you lie down for 5 minutes, have your blood pressure taken. Stand up and wait a minute, then take it again. Remain standing for 3 more minutes then take […]

Confused AF (TW – ED)

I start treatment (finally) at the Portland DBT Institute tomorrow and thank god for that. As I mentioned in my last post, I stopped self-medicating with cannabis almost a week ago and, after about two days of kratom after that, I stopped using anything… and I am more unsettled than I’ve been in some time. […]