I referenced the whack-a-mole behavior that I go through with symptoms recently. My ability to start Suboxone a few days ago was probably one of the most significant steps I’ve taken to combat that. Today, I started feeling pretty positive about my substance struggles as the medicine really started to kick in. And, as I get ready to go to sleep, I recognize that I’ve restricted more today than I have any day since I began my recent eating disorder treatment.
I am amazed that these things flip so rapidly. I am going to keep at it though. I have a one-on-one with both my therapist and dietitian tomorrow and I’m going to bring my eating back in line immediately. I think this will be the first time I will have ever been in a position to so rapidly strike back against my self-destructive tendencies and I’m pretty excited about it.
I’ll be on the lookout for any more traditional self-harm (i.e., cutting) though I don’t anticipate it being a problem. Seriously, though, I think this really is the first time I’ve managed to get ahead of this whack-a-mole behavior and I’m excited about what it might mean in the long term.
For the record, I am very pleased with my decision to go back on Suboxone. If that is part of what my long term recovery is going to look like (and it appears that it will), I will move forward with no shame associated with that decision.