My IOP at the Portland DBT Institute is over. Last Friday wound up being my last day. Even though my former treatment team thinks that I would benefit from additional time in the program (and I agree with their assessment) the ‘gold’ insurance plan that I bought on the marketplace decided that I’m evidently healthy enough.
I’m just fed up with the way health care is run in the US. It’s ridiculous that we’re the only ‘modern’ country without socialized medicine. I firmly believe that there should absolutely be no profit motive involved in the health care field. It causes priorities to be horrendously out of whack and for decisions to be made that are not in the best interests of the individuals that need medical care. I could go on and on (I’ve given this a great deal of thought) but I don’t think anyone wants an OpEd on the state of US health care.
On the plus side, I no longer have to work ridiculous hours to make up for being in treatment every day from 8am to noon. There is something to be said for that. I’m looking forward to actually having something resembling a social life again. I think I might actually make a Refuge Recovery meeting tonight for the first time this year.
On the subject of my addiction, I’ve been doing quite well. I’ve adjusted to the Suboxone and it has been doing a fantastic job at reducing my urges to use anything down to absolutely nothing. It’s basically doing for me exactly what it did 3 years ago and what I hoped it would do for me again. My roommate, A asked me if I’d have to go through withdrawal when I decided to stop using it and she seemed concerned when I told her I would. The thing she doesn’t get is that I intend to be on this medicine indefinitely. Based on my previous experience with it, I don’t anticipate wanting to stop. And if I do, I’ll have medical support to do so. For those who are unaware, it’s evidently harder to quit Suboxone than heroin. I wouldn’t know as I transitioned to heroin when I stopped using it last time. I’m not nearly as concerned about that happening again as my relationship toward heroin is significantly different now than it was back then.
I also got my edited interview back last night for the ‘Beirut in Portland’ project that I’m taking part in to shine a light on the stigma associated with BPD and drug addiction. It was very hard to watch. I need to make a final decision about to fully go public with it and participate in a ‘talk-back’ about the interview in May. I’m leaning toward doing it but will be having a lengthy conversation about it with my therapist tomorrow before finalizing.