I haven’t been writing here much lately for a couple of reasons, the most significant of which is that my life is much less interesting lately (in a good way).
I’ve been on Suboxone for about a month now and, after an initial week or two of being a bit ill as I got used to it again, it is doing for me exactly what I had hoped for. My interest in using drugs, any drugs, has dropped to zero. I have no idea how much effort and energy I was applying to stay clean prior to re-starting on that medication. I do know what I’ve been capable of since I’ve started, however:
- I am getting more work done for my job than I ever have in my 2+ years with the company.
- I’ve finally been able to work on my memoir again. I had managed to put together 10,000 words since I started a year and a half ago. In the last two weeks, I’ve brought that number up to 30,000. I’m targeting writing 10,000 each week and honestly expect to be fully done with my full draft by mid-April.
- I’ve been able to dedicate time to work on hacking skills. Nothing major. Just small skills to hopefully expand my toolkit in case I want to do something cool someday.
- I’ve been very deliberate in socializing more. I’ve already set up three weekly events (and am working on more):
- Sunday afternoon: Kombucha with L at Soma
- Wednesday afternoon/evening: Gaming/movies/hacking with D et al
- Friday evening: Refuge Recovery meeting (Dharma Rain) with built-in fellowship after the meeting
- I’ve started coordinating a trip back to New Jersey to see my kids this summer
- I’m continuing to work on the ‘Beirut in Portland’ project about stigma. I’ll have a video of my interview out soon and be participating in a talkback on stage at the end of May/beginning of June.
With respect to that last bullet, I’ve been being more assertive with respect to my recovery. I’m more vocal about my feelings surrounding the use of substances while in recovery and more selective about the meetings I go to. I’ve cut all 12 step meetings and the Alano Club out of my recovery. I’m going to Dharma Rain every Friday and, occasionally, hitting up Tabor Space (Sundays) and Heart of Wisdom (Mondays). I toyed briefly with the idea of being a mentor but decided against it. My thoughts on recovery have evolved to the point that they no longer fit neatly into any program, even Refuge. That said, I continue to offer support to friends and would absolutely help someone more closely if asked.