My therapist and I decided it would be a good idea to pull out the emotion wheel and try to identify the emotions that have been pervading my life recently. It came up because I never dream but I have been lately a lot. And, yes, I know that everyone dreams so I guess I should rephrase that I say I ‘ve actually been remembering dreaming recently. I expressed that my thoughts on dreams were that the dream content was driven by one’s emotions and not the other way around and my therapist confirmed that.
So, I looked at the emotional wheel and identified what I’ve been feeling nearly all the time. I feel these things while I’m awake and now I get to continue feeling them when I’m asleep.
My therapist jumped at the first word. It’s obvious, in retrospect. I have been opening myself up more than I ever have before as I’ve been pouring my story out into my ‘short, bad book’ the last several weeks. I’m also going forward with putting my stigma interview out for the world to see very soon. I’m basically coming out about all the horrible things I’ve done (when I was sick) and what I’ve been doing to get better.
I’ve got a particularly difficult portion of the book coming up. Check out these pages for what I’ll be writing about: https://anorexicjunkie.com/2017/09/ and https://anorexicjunkie.com/2017/10/. At this point, I’m just going to push through. I’m not the same person as I was when I did that shit. I can get through this without shaming myself and/or losing my shit. I have supports I can reach out to if I need them.
I just want to get through this and put it behind me. I’m thinking that this next bit may be the hardest but I can do it. I’ve got this.