Emotional Hypochondriasis

I’m starting to pull together some of the details for my video on splitting that I’m doing later today. I’ll be putting it in context mostly through examples in my own life but I like to lead off with factual information about whatever topic I’m discussing. That said, I found myself on https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-splitting-425210, doing a little research when I came across the term emotional hypochondriasis as an accompanying feature to splitting. I’ve never seen that before so I’m thinking it might be new for others as well and decided to throw it out here for general consumption.

Emotional hypochondriasis is trying to get others to understand how severe your emotional pain is. I don’t engage in this outside of filling in how strong my emotions are on my DBT Diary card everyday. It seems like it would be an exercise in futility anyway as emotional intensity can only be purely subjective.

I can never know if I experience emotions stronger than most others. I only know what I feel. I (strongly) suspect that my emotions are stronger based on the fact that I’ve developed coping mechanisms like bulimia, anorexia, heroin addiction and cutting to deal with them whereas the majority of the population does not turn to those things. I’ve tried to kill myself because my emotions became more than I could handle.

And emotions are all the time. To tie it back to splitting, my brain classifies every waking moment as ‘feeling good’ or ‘feeling bad’ (no mixing emotions… no ‘gray’). It sums those waking moments and finds TotalTime(‘feeling bad’) >> TotalTime(‘feeling good’) and starts to despair. This in turn can trigger suicidal ideation where my brain debates itself over whether its worth continuing living, if the ‘feeling good’ vs. ‘feeling bad’ times are so off kilter. For what it’s worth, I know my brain is doing this and I still find it ridiculously difficult to see more gray.

It’s a shitty way to live (hence the suicidal ideation).

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