It appears as though I’ve been manipulated and abused by my spouse for the last several years. I initiated a ‘no contact’ policy on Tuesday and hired a divorce attorney yesterday. It’s quite confusing and unsettling and I am still struggling to accept that this is really happening. That said, every person that I have spoken to about this that knows me and my soon-to-be-ex are very happy that I have finally come to my senses and am taking action to separate from her. My therapist has no doubt that this is actually happening. Until I am able to fully accept the situation, I am trusting the judgment of the people that care about me as I make my decisions regarding her.

The situation is horrible. I keep wanting to blame myself, which does not help. I am grateful that I’m healthy enough to handle the situation and I’m grateful that I have a really solid support network. I really don’t have much more to say just now. This has left me feeling more mind-fucked than I have ever felt before and it is going to take a while to make sense of this.

To be continued…