Weird (and not Particularly Good) Day

Within the last 24 hours, I’ve had two friends from rehab this summer, both relapsing and in bad shape, reach out to me for help. I was able to help one financially, a little at least, and the other I was on the phone with for a little over 15 minutes as she was getting […]

Ugly Last Few Days

First, I’d like to say that I’m pleased that I haven’t relapsed over the last couple of days. I feel like it’s been very touch and go lately. Even today, I almost didn’t go to meetings at the Alano Club because I was legitimately scared that I might hop off the bus in the ‘wrong […]

Breaking Bad, Finale (No Spoilers)

I have… mixed feelings about the Breaking Bad finale. Don’t get me wrong, it did wrap things up more satisfactorily than say, The Sopranos, or, God help us, Seinfeld. I’m wrestling with the concept of redemption. Right up until the end, Walt proved ruthless and efficient. His intent was, while certainly not pure, at least […]

Isolating/Isolated

I feel very alone at the moment. I don’t know if I’m isolating because I feel isolated or if I’m isolated because I’ve started isolating. I do know that I don’t feel like there is anyone I can talk to about what is going on in my head. By that, I mean the unvarnished truth. […]

Moving?

So, I’m considering moving. Maybe to another sober house. Maybe in with a sober roommate. Probably not alone (though there is a certain appeal to that). I’m currently paid to stay in my sober house through the end of June. I have some hesitation to stay because of concerns I have about being kicked out, […]

Breaking Bad

I binge watched the first four seasons of Breaking Bad in rehab this summer. Granted, it probably wasn’t the best choice of programming for that particular venue, but I was manic at the time and only sleeping about 3 hours every night. So, pretty much every morning, from 2am to 6am, I would curl up […]

Am I in Hell?

It feels like it, more and more, these days. It seems like it shouldn’t be that way. I have a good job, an acceptable living situation, more clean time than I’ve had in ages, a solid support network, etc. Yet, every day I am intensely uncomfortable. My eating is a double-edged sword. If I starve, […]