Psilocybin Ceremony

My healing process is on track and, while I still have day-to-day ups and downs, I am definitely heading in the right direction. Recently I’ve theorized, and my therapist has confirmed, that the bulk of my psychic discomfort originates from the cPTSD I developed a long time ago. I came to greater acceptance of that […]

Microdose

I haven’t been writing much lately as I’ve been working on myself (a lot) and it hasn’t really been on my mind. That said, I think I’d like to get back to jotting down my thoughts again. For instance, I microdosed psilocybin (mushrooms) for the first time two days ago. I took a quarter gram […]

Ayahuasca

I’ve finally found someone to do a 1-on-1 session of this with me. I feel like it’s arrived just in time.

Father’s Day

It has been about two weeks since I opened my eyes to the nature of my relationship with my wife (and the many others before her) and it has been an interesting journey so far. I’ve been doing a lot of DBT to deal with the emotions but it has not been easy. I’ve struggled […]

Love

I got hit with a huge wave of love last night. It wasn’t to the point of discomfort like I had trouble with last month. I was watching television (The Great British Baking show) when it hit me. I was so happy, I literally cried. It was almost the same intensity as the fear I […]

Fear (TW – Drugs)

Another marker of BPD is finding fear, well, everywhere. I know I go through life scared of just about everything I could be scared of. I always think I’m about to be fired. A delayed response to a text means I’m now despised by my BFF. There are no emotionally neutral faces… only angry ones. […]

Health Insurance in the US is a Miserable Affair

My IOP at the Portland DBT Institute is over. Last Friday wound up being my last day. Even though my former treatment team thinks that I would benefit from additional time in the program (and I agree with their assessment) the ‘gold’ insurance plan that I bought on the marketplace decided that I’m evidently healthy […]