Love

I got hit with a huge wave of love last night. It wasn’t to the point of discomfort like I had trouble with last month. I was watching television (The Great British Baking show) when it hit me. I was so happy, I literally cried. It was almost the same intensity as the fear I […]

Fear (TW – Drugs)

Another marker of BPD is finding fear, well, everywhere. I know I go through life scared of just about everything I could be scared of. I always think I’m about to be fired. A delayed response to a text means I’m now despised by my BFF. There are no emotionally neutral faces… only angry ones. […]

Health Insurance in the US is a Miserable Affair

My IOP at the Portland DBT Institute is over. Last Friday wound up being my last day. Even though my former treatment team thinks that I would benefit from additional time in the program (and I agree with their assessment) the ‘gold’ insurance plan that I bought on the marketplace decided that I’m evidently healthy […]

Radical Acceptance

I’m tired. Starting back on Suboxone has left me worn out this week… and has caused me to start doubting my decision. I keep returning to the radical acceptance that I’ve done surrounding my decision. I know that I’ve had the most stable period of my adult life when I was on Suboxone three years […]

Whack-A-Mole

I referenced the whack-a-mole behavior that I go through with symptoms recently. My ability to start Suboxone a few days ago was probably one of the most significant steps I’ve taken to combat that. Today, I started feeling pretty positive about my substance struggles as the medicine really started to kick in. And, as I […]

Suboxone

A week ago, I was ready to cancel my appointment to start on Suboxone again. The prescriber at the Portland DBT Institute recommended I keep the appointment, just in case, and I’m glad I did. Whenever I really start working my recovery hard, like I started with my eating disorder three weeks ago, my other […]

Coincidence?

Do you believe in coincidence? Serendipity? Synchronicity? A confluence of events? N and I found ourselves sharing a bus today on a line that neither of us rides regularly. We had about 5 minutes to catch up before she had to get off of the bus. She shared that she had just been speaking of […]