Everything is a Trigger (TW – Drugs)

Seriously. I posted a week and a half ago about having my best day since I arrived in Portland and still wanting to use as I got ready to go to bed. I was on something of an emotional roller coaster today. It ended really well, at a concert in the park with two really […]

The Last Month

I have basically been batshit crazy for at least the last month. That madness was relieved today when I moved out of the shit show that was the Sober Housing Oregon home I’ve been in since my March relapse, to live in a private home with two very good friends from Refuge Recovery. That house […]

Nootropic Speedball

I am sad. Denying myself my drugs of choice (yay, sobriety!), I turned to nootropics and supplements, kind of like I was doing in Utah last fall. These things certainly don’t get me high in any way, shape or form (i.e., they are not ‘mind altering’). As such, they are perfectly legal and not prohibited, […]

Equanimity Meditation

I went to two Refuge Recovery meetings today. I got to do the equanimity meditation at each one. It was a very different experience. A little background first… That particular meditation focuses on how we’re responsible for our own actions, can’t control others’ actions and that suffering comes from our relationship to suffering and not […]

Drug Dream

It’s not uncommon for addicts in recovery to have dreams about using. I’ve certainly had them before. Usually mine feature cocaine, which is unusual given it’s not my DoC (drug of choice). In them, I’m usually doing copious amounts of the drug, not getting high and getting extremely frustrated as a result. Last night, I […]

Nice is Different Than Good

I did the right thing. While my addict brain desperately wanted to torpedo the relationship between N & D, my better half prevailed and helped both of them to repair the rift that had opened between them.  I had to.  They’re both really close friends.  Though N is obviously closer than D, I’m going to […]

No Journal

I left my journal at home. Oops. So, I guess I’m left with blogging for now. I reported my mania to N. She is quite concerned and wants me to get a bridge subscription until my insurance gets sorted. I told my therapist at my substance abuse IOP and he said the same. I suppose […]