Through the Looking Glass

In less than 24 hours, I have had my idea of what my recovery should look like turned completely upside down. Yesterday, after the highly emotional conversation with my roommate, new ground rules were established that allowed and, to a certain extent (in the name of harm reduction), encouraged the use of certain substances in […]


I’ve been using kratom, on and off, for about 2 months now, to keep my heroin urges at bay and reduce my suicidal ideation. It’s been working but keeping it from my roommate has been eating me up inside. So, today I made my confession. I spoke to my therapist first. She told me to […]

Status Update

[I’ve been journaling with pen and paper much more recently and the blog has dropped off a bit. I feel like I should do a quick update.] So, my wife did not move in with me. She went back and decided that most of the kerfuffle at the ashram was a result of her PTSD […]

Another Suboxone Update

Going into my appointment tomorrow, I have three separate medical professionals that are fully aware of my situation. I also have two good friends, one here in Portland and one in Virginia, that I have told as well. I’ve chosen to confide in them because they are both eating disordered heroin addicts like myself. The […]

Triggered AF

A and I went to the International Overdose Awareness Memorial in downtown Portland. They evidently wrapped up early, though. And, joy of joys, we parked right across the street from the needle exchange (and four junkies who were congregating there)… the same needle exchange I was at 6 months ago to the day, picking up […]

Back to Therapy

I’ve been offline the last week or so, trying to take care of shit (unsuccessfully). So, I’m enroute to a consultation with a therapist who will hopefully be a good fit for me to start seeing on a regular basis. I still don’t have insurance, so this is my attempt to stay alive for the […]

Reestablishing Renunciation

I had a bit of an epiphany last night/this morning. I knew this already, but it was driven home last night when I had the opportunity to use a little meth but was stopped by the person I was with. That realization is that putting any substance in my body makes me want to do […]