No Longer Stoned (TW – Cannabis, Restricting)

I basically spent the entire month of December stoned (hence the relative lack of posts). I stopped two days ago because I have proven to myself once more that cannabis is not an effective long term solution for me. Nothing bad happened per se, but after a month of using it, I became more unstable […]

Another Person Trying to Find the Gray

On the car ride home from a Refuge Recovery meeting this morning, one of my friend’s started to talk about her own moderate cannabis use. Needless to say, this got my attention. We were with my mentor (J) and his S.O. (S) who were evidently aware of her use already. I still haven’t told them […]

Existential Crisis (TW – Suicidal Ideation)

I finally watched the season opener of Doctor Who just now. I spent most of the time trying to relax my jaw which I think has been clenched for a long time (months?). I’m still catching myself and having to consciously unclench it over and over again. I’m a couple days of cannabis and tapering […]

Things Are Getting a Little Better

I almost don’t even want to write that as the title of this entry, less the modest improvement I’m seeing slips away, but I need to document when this happens otherwise I have tremendous difficulty remembering the ‘good times’ when I’m feeling like shit. Sunday was a pretty good day for me for almost the […]

Self-Love

I just had an interesting walk home from the AT&T store. The trip itself was a bust but I had just enough cannabis in me to allow for the sort of enhanced lateral thinking that I get, and quite enjoy, when I’m just barely stoned. I have made it a habit of writing down ideas […]

Off the Rails Yesterday

So, I was extremely dysregulated yesterday from about 10am to about 10pm. (At least borderline ‘moods’ rarely last more than a day for me). I was triggered by this article about childhood abuse on the website The Mighty. Omg, was I triggered. I turned into a weeping mess for those 12 hours. I am very […]