Portland DBT Institute

Portland is home to a health care facility that is ideally suited to my needs. For those unaware, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is considered the ‘gold standard’ for treating Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I’ve acknowledged that, until I treat that primary aspect of my mental illness, the odds of me becoming anorexic again or shooting […]

Dial It Back

I’ve been holding off on writing a bit because I have been at a loss for words recently. It turns out that the mere act of ordering substances online triggered me far worse than I anticipated. When the first thing arrived on Thursday (MDMA), I instantly forgot about using these things to try to improve […]

Dark Web Redux (TW – Rolling)

This was really hard to write. I started writing it 5 days ago. And I just accidentally erased it but I will do my best to recreate. Trigger Warning: I am rolling hard (MDMA) right now. In a nutshell, on Saturday, my roommate A approached me out back having a cigarette and told me to […]

Second Trip (TW – Drug Use) and more Anorexia

I took two tabs of acid (and about 40mg of MDMA) roughly 48 hours ago. I consulted with my therapist prior to the trip to get some guidelines and ideas to focus on. It went quite well. I found myself returning to the guidance repeatedly throughout the evening. I had a very comfortable setting and […]

Candy Flipping

I want to try to get some of my experience down, while it’s still relatively fresh. Yesterday, I took some MDMA. Several hours later, I took some more, augmented by a tab of LSD (that’s the “candy flipping”). A few hours after that, I took one more hit of acid and them retired to my […]

First Proper Use of Psychedelics

Today was my birthday. As part of the celebration, I partook of two substances I have never used before: MDMA and LSD, both by themselves and combined (candy-flipping). My lifetime fears of a bad trip are gone. I’m still tripping pretty hard right now. I’m settling in to chill for the remainder of the evening, […]

Off the Rails (Briefly), Manipulative as Fuck (Always)

I tried to use less kratom and more weed today, in and effort to get a similar effect with a different drug cocktail. It didn’t work and I was reminded how I still really don’t much care for being stoned. I wound up very suicidal and craving heroin as a result. I finally returned home […]