Portland DBT Institute

Portland is home to a health care facility that is ideally suited to my needs. For those unaware, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is considered the ‘gold standard’ for treating Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I’ve acknowledged that, until I treat that primary aspect of my mental illness, the odds of me becoming anorexic again or shooting […]

Dial It Back

I’ve been holding off on writing a bit because I have been at a loss for words recently. It turns out that the mere act of ordering substances online triggered me far worse than I anticipated. When the first thing arrived on Thursday (MDMA), I instantly forgot about using these things to try to improve […]

Dark Web Redux (TW – Rolling)

This was really hard to write. I started writing it 5 days ago. And I just accidentally erased it but I will do my best to recreate. Trigger Warning: I am rolling hard (MDMA) right now. In a nutshell, on Saturday, my roommate A approached me out back having a cigarette and told me to […]

Existential Crisis (TW – Suicidal Ideation)

I finally watched the season opener of Doctor Who just now. I spent most of the time trying to relax my jaw which I think has been clenched for a long time (months?). I’m still catching myself and having to consciously unclench it over and over again. I’m a couple days of cannabis and tapering […]

Things Are Getting a Little Better

I almost don’t even want to write that as the title of this entry, less the modest improvement I’m seeing slips away, but I need to document when this happens otherwise I have tremendous difficulty remembering the ‘good times’ when I’m feeling like shit. Sunday was a pretty good day for me for almost the […]

Gratitude

I really do have a pretty comfortable life, from a materialistic point of view, and I thought I’d take a moment to recognize it. I make a good living. I live in a very nice house with fantastic roommates. I have a lot of support, both in my community and from my mental health team, […]