Whack-A-Mole

I referenced the whack-a-mole behavior that I go through with symptoms recently. My ability to start Suboxone a few days ago was probably one of the most significant steps I’ve taken to combat that. Today, I started feeling pretty positive about my substance struggles as the medicine really started to kick in. And, as I […]

Suboxone

A week ago, I was ready to cancel my appointment to start on Suboxone again. The prescriber at the Portland DBT Institute recommended I keep the appointment, just in case, and I’m glad I did. Whenever I really start working my recovery hard, like I started with my eating disorder three weeks ago, my other […]

Starting to Feel Better

I almost don’t want to write this, less I jinx myself, but I’ve felt better today than I have in a long time (at least months). I’m trying to have appreciation for it and acceptance that I will feel like shit again at some point. That’s just the way things are. I’m chalking it up […]

Orthostatic

I’ve only ever had orthostatic blood pressure taken as part of ED treatment, though I assume it’s used in other cases as well. For those unfamiliar, you lie down for 5 minutes, have your blood pressure taken. Stand up and wait a minute, then take it again. Remain standing for 3 more minutes then take […]

Confused AF (TW – ED)

I start treatment (finally) at the Portland DBT Institute tomorrow and thank god for that. As I mentioned in my last post, I stopped self-medicating with cannabis almost a week ago and, after about two days of kratom after that, I stopped using anything… and I am more unsettled than I’ve been in some time. […]

No Longer Stoned (TW – Cannabis, Restricting)

I basically spent the entire month of December stoned (hence the relative lack of posts). I stopped two days ago because I have proven to myself once more that cannabis is not an effective long term solution for me. Nothing bad happened per se, but after a month of using it, I became more unstable […]

Portland DBT Institute

Portland is home to a health care facility that is ideally suited to my needs. For those unaware, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is considered the ‘gold standard’ for treating Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I’ve acknowledged that, until I treat that primary aspect of my mental illness, the odds of me becoming anorexic again or shooting […]