Wherever You Go, There You Are

I’ve been in my new place for nearly a week. It has been immensely helpful. I’m 90% sure I’d be on a run right now, or worse, if I hadn’t left my sober house when I did. The problem is, I’m still me. I still don’t really like myself all that much. I still want […]

Ugly Last Few Days

First, I’d like to say that I’m pleased that I haven’t relapsed over the last couple of days. I feel like it’s been very touch and go lately. Even today, I almost didn’t go to meetings at the Alano Club because I was legitimately scared that I might hop off the bus in the ‘wrong […]

Starting to Open Up About ED (TW)

I came out in the EDA meeting yesterday. I told my mentor, J, this morning about my struggles. I put a request for help on the private Facebook page for my SA/ED rehab group from this summer. J acknowledged that he lacks relevant experience to help with specifics, but did encourage me to seek help […]

EDA Meeting

I finally opened up about the state of my eating disorder at the EDA meeting, without going into any potentially triggering details. It was nice to get it off my chest to people who truly understand the struggle. I feel better coming out if it. I’m glad I went. I was feeling so much shame […]

ED Update (TW)

I hit my next goal weight (160) this morning. I feel very trapped right now. I don’t know how to stop losing weight. I don’t know if I want to, out of fear of picking up drugs again. Several people commented on my weight loss at the meeting last night. N didn’t. She said I […]

Busy Night, Too Tired to Process

I just got back from gaming at my old sober house. It was a really nice time. In other news (with more to follow, after I have had some sleep)… I saw N (no surprise). We actually spoke (surprise… pleasant surprise). I didn’t run today, but I did walk 17 miles (and ate under 1000 […]

Panic Subsided

I’m no longer freaking out, like I was yesterday. My eating isn’t any better, the crazy is just loud enough again to drown out rationality. I am taking a break from running today. In fact, I just put on my Birks, so I can’t ‘aaccidentally’ break into a run, when I go out next. I […]