Existential Crisis (TW – Suicidal Ideation)

I finally watched the season opener of Doctor Who just now. I spent most of the time trying to relax my jaw which I think has been clenched for a long time (months?). I’m still catching myself and having to consciously unclench it over and over again. I’m a couple days of cannabis and tapering […]

Weird Day

Today was just, sort of, I don’t know… intense? Work continues to go well. Somehow, even though I’m malnourished and dealing with come-again, go-again urges to use, I’m actually able to get some decent stuff done. It is a miracle, and I have tremendous gratitude for the fact, that I have been able to maintain […]

Didn’t Trigger S

Thank goodness. I spoke with S today, via text. I told her that I thought I might have triggered her and told her I was sorry, if I had. Well, my brain was wrong (again). I definitely did not trigger her and everything is cool. On a different subject (sort of), I spoke to E […]

Self-Sabotage (Employment Version)

While the acts leading up to my most recent relapse two months ago remain, by far, my single greatest act of self-sabotage I’ve ever committed, I think I’m engaging in similar behavior, though to a lesser extent, with my current job. Basically, my wife is kinda pressuring me to stay in my current job. I […]

Got the Job

I just got the call from the recruiter that I landed the job I interviewed for yesterday (painted nails, tattoos and all… God bless Portland). They’re just ironing out whether it’ll be a direct hire (please) or a contract-to-hire for 3-6 months. I spoke to J a little about my urges. He’s about to pick […]

A Good Day, but Still Slightly Triggered

The interview went well. I was there from 9am until about 1.30pm, with a brief break for lunch. I usually enjoy interviews (maybe I just like talking about myself) and this one was no different. Afterwards, I walked about 8 miles to hang out with a friend from school who lives in town. We went […]

Interview Preamble

I’ve arrived for my interview about 20 minutes early. I’m paranoid about being late to anything and even more so for something like this. I’ve been researching the company and I think I would enjoy working here. The technology is very interesting, though I’m curious where I would slot in with my skill set. It’s […]