Self-Torture and Relationships

If you have read my last few posts, you are aware that I am interested in a woman, S, and, for the first time in years, have made the decision to pursue her further and see if we can grow our relationship in some way. This started 8 days ago and, while there have been […]

Interpersonal Effectiveness

This post is a post-therapy follow up to this post that I made right before therapy a few hours back. Things are nowhere near as dire as I had let myself to believe. I have not done anything wrong or been excessively pushy or really anything that would necessarily cause S to think that I’m […]

I Continue to Amaze Myself (and not in a Good Way)

Well, I’ve evidently been crazy since Sunday. The whole thing with this woman just completely got out of control and left me extraordinarily dysregulated. Now I get to switch to damage control and try to salvage a relationship, yet again. I had intended on discussing black and white thinking for my YouTube Channel this week. […]

Love

I got hit with a huge wave of love last night. It wasn’t to the point of discomfort like I had trouble with last month. I was watching television (The Great British Baking show) when it hit me. I was so happy, I literally cried. It was almost the same intensity as the fear I […]

Black and White Thinking

Ok. So, I had intended to never post here again and talk exclusively about recovery on the YouTube channel I just started (YouTube: Borderline Bloke). This was once again a case of black and white thinking… something that I have a LOT of trouble with. In fact, this week’s episode on YouTube is going to […]

Too Much Love

One of the hallmarks of borderline personality disorder is experiencing incredibly intense emotions and having to wait a long time for those emotions to dissipate. Most of the time, those emotions are what you would expect them to be: anxiety, fear, depression, etc. For the last few days, I’ve been suffering (yes, suffering) from an […]

Whack-A-Mole

I referenced the whack-a-mole behavior that I go through with symptoms recently. My ability to start Suboxone a few days ago was probably one of the most significant steps I’ve taken to combat that. Today, I started feeling pretty positive about my substance struggles as the medicine really started to kick in. And, as I […]