Insanity

I began journaling on April 16th, 2017 and am on to my third journal at this point. The first journal wraps up as I left New Jersey, just before Labor Day of 2017. The second journal picks up with my arrival in Utah and tracks through the end of August 2018 (the last entry actually […]

Stigma and Anonymity

I mentioned yesterday that the woman in charge of the ‘Beirut in Portland’ project had completed editing my interview about the stigma associated with my mental health issues. I had a lengthy discussion with my therapist about what to do now and have e-mailed the woman to discuss where to go from here. In the […]

Health Insurance in the US is a Miserable Affair

My IOP at the Portland DBT Institute is over. Last Friday wound up being my last day. Even though my former treatment team thinks that I would benefit from additional time in the program (and I agree with their assessment) the ‘gold’ insurance plan that I bought on the marketplace decided that I’m evidently healthy […]

Radical Acceptance

I’m tired. Starting back on Suboxone has left me worn out this week… and has caused me to start doubting my decision. I keep returning to the radical acceptance that I’ve done surrounding my decision. I know that I’ve had the most stable period of my adult life when I was on Suboxone three years […]

Whack-A-Mole

I referenced the whack-a-mole behavior that I go through with symptoms recently. My ability to start Suboxone a few days ago was probably one of the most significant steps I’ve taken to combat that. Today, I started feeling pretty positive about my substance struggles as the medicine really started to kick in. And, as I […]

Not Sleeping as Self-destruction

My sleeping has been inadequate the last couple of weeks. I seem to fall asleep alright but I find myself waking between 3.30am and 5am with the urge to get out of bed and start my day, even if I’m tired. I just realized a few days back that my judgment is significantly impaired when […]

Confused AF (TW – ED)

I start treatment (finally) at the Portland DBT Institute tomorrow and thank god for that. As I mentioned in my last post, I stopped self-medicating with cannabis almost a week ago and, after about two days of kratom after that, I stopped using anything… and I am more unsettled than I’ve been in some time. […]