Black and White Thinking

Ok. So, I had intended to never post here again and talk exclusively about recovery on the YouTube channel I just started (YouTube: Borderline Bloke). This was once again a case of black and white thinking… something that I have a LOT of trouble with. In fact, this week’s episode on YouTube is going to […]

Thank You For Following This Blog

I started this blog almost 4 years ago and, arguably, captured myself at my sickest during that time. I used this blog to blow of steam and talk about things that I could talk about with no one else. I did this anonymously, for fear of retribution IRL. In August of last year, I started […]

Fear (TW – Drugs)

Another marker of BPD is finding fear, well, everywhere. I know I go through life scared of just about everything I could be scared of. I always think I’m about to be fired. A delayed response to a text means I’m now despised by my BFF. There are no emotionally neutral faces… only angry ones. […]

Too Much Love

One of the hallmarks of borderline personality disorder is experiencing incredibly intense emotions and having to wait a long time for those emotions to dissipate. Most of the time, those emotions are what you would expect them to be: anxiety, fear, depression, etc. For the last few days, I’ve been suffering (yes, suffering) from an […]

Health Insurance in the US is a Miserable Affair

My IOP at the Portland DBT Institute is over. Last Friday wound up being my last day. Even though my former treatment team thinks that I would benefit from additional time in the program (and I agree with their assessment) the ‘gold’ insurance plan that I bought on the marketplace decided that I’m evidently healthy […]

Not Sleeping as Self-destruction

My sleeping has been inadequate the last couple of weeks. I seem to fall asleep alright but I find myself waking between 3.30am and 5am with the urge to get out of bed and start my day, even if I’m tired. I just realized a few days back that my judgment is significantly impaired when […]

Portland DBT Institute

Portland is home to a health care facility that is ideally suited to my needs. For those unaware, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is considered the ‘gold standard’ for treating Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I’ve acknowledged that, until I treat that primary aspect of my mental illness, the odds of me becoming anorexic again or shooting […]