I was just looking back to remember when my first ceremony was (August 24th). I found it here and was again reminded that I hadn’t posted anything here in a while. There’s a good reason for that. I’ve been very busy. The ceremony greatly accelerated the spiritual awakening that I had already been experiencing and […]


Do you believe in coincidence? Serendipity? Synchronicity? A confluence of events? N and I found ourselves sharing a bus today on a line that neither of us rides regularly. We had about 5 minutes to catch up before she had to get off of the bus. She shared that she had just been speaking of […]

I’m Not Going to Relapse!

Today was a pivotal day for my long term sobriety. After struggling for several weeks in what had become a downright toxic sober living situation (that included two previously my mentioned minor lapses… more on those later), two very good friends in Refuge Recovery offered me the third bedroom in their leased house. I immediately […]

Weird Day

Today was just, sort of, I don’t know… intense? Work continues to go well. Somehow, even though I’m malnourished and dealing with come-again, go-again urges to use, I’m actually able to get some decent stuff done. It is a miracle, and I have tremendous gratitude for the fact, that I have been able to maintain […]

Relapse (again). FML.

I have heroin and will shortly have meth. I have been kicked out of Sober Living Oregon and the Boulevard treatment center for sitting on a rig filled with a quarter gram of meth at my sober house for two and a half weeks. The fact that I never used it certainly says something about […]

Moment of Relief

Thank god (Buddha?) for Refuge Recovery. That meeting was exactly what I needed tonight to get me out of my head. I can’t pin it down to any one moment during the meeting. I just know that, about halfway through the meeting, my obsessive thoughts were lifted. I have no idea how long this relief […]


As a lifelong atheist (and even now, as a Taoist, I guess I’m still an atheist in the strictest sense of the term), I have never believed in miracles.  Right now, I don’t know what else to call what has happened to me in the last 6 or 7 hours. I was certain, or nearly […]