Father’s Day

It has been about two weeks since I opened my eyes to the nature of my relationship with my wife (and the many others before her) and it has been an interesting journey so far. I’ve been doing a lot of DBT to deal with the emotions but it has not been easy. I’ve struggled […]

Clean Blood

A week ago, I finally got tested for HIV and Hepatitis. That was the first time I had had that done since I went into rehab in July of 2017. I’m not sure why it took me so long to get that done. I certainly engaged in behaviors since that time that opened me up […]

Not Sleeping as Self-destruction

My sleeping has been inadequate the last couple of weeks. I seem to fall asleep alright but I find myself waking between 3.30am and 5am with the urge to get out of bed and start my day, even if I’m tired. I just realized a few days back that my judgment is significantly impaired when […]

Happy Thanksgiving (TW)

I’m in a relatively good place right now and am allowing it to happen without desperately trying to cling to it. That was not the case last night or for most of the morning. I have put a plan in place to safely get through the day and have a lot of support from my […]

I’m Still Crazy, but I’m Not Self-Destructing

The last week has been difficult. It seems my emotional rollercoaster has been redesigned with higher highs, lower lows and moving considerably faster. The good news is that I haven’t done anything rash in response to these feelings. In fact, I actually seem to be doing the ‘right’ thing in response to them every once […]

Confession

I’ve been using kratom, on and off, for about 2 months now, to keep my heroin urges at bay and reduce my suicidal ideation. It’s been working but keeping it from my roommate has been eating me up inside. So, today I made my confession. I spoke to my therapist first. She told me to […]

Back Together with the Wife

Monday night, I got a call from my wife saying there was a problem at the ashram and she no longer felt secure there. Less than two days later, she was (and still is) in my house. She’s most likely going to make the move permanent but it was sudden and unexpected and has thrown […]