Trying to Find the ‘Gray’

I’m on my way to my EDA meeting and then a Refuge Recovery meeting after that. I’m going because, despite my current substance use and less-than-stellar eating, I am very interested in my recovery. My traditional ‘black and white thinking’ is screaming at me that I am being a horrible hypocrite. The ‘gray’ that I’m […]

Fox’s Memorial

I have been quite a wreck the last couple of days. Fox’s memorial service was two days ago. I went a little early, to catch up with people I don’t see very often. As the service approached, I started to feel very uneasy about going in. I touched base with a couple of people about […]

Quick Update

So, I had an EDA friend help me do up a meal plan on Sunday. I’ve been eating (mostly) to that since the beginning of the week (only purged once). I also have an appointment with a Buddhist nutritionist/dietitian on the 6th. Today, my head was spinning so badly that I was planning on stealing […]

Fail

I just purged. I’ve been eating all day and hating it, hating myself and I acted out. Now, I’m going to meet my friends from EDA for a concert in Sellwood Park. I feel it’s a little like going to an AA meeting, drunk. One of my friends just got there. I’ll talk to here. […]

Ups and Downs

I have officially thrown in the towel on my eating disorder. I’m done. I’m finally acknowledging that I am powerless over it and my life has become unmanageable. I sent out e-mails today to therapists/dietitians/nutritionists. I’m just going to pay out of pocket. I can afford it and I know I desperately need professional help. […]

Meetings

I just wrapped up the Sunday EDA meeting. Our topic of discussion was ‘boundaries’. I’m not very good at them. I’m pretty good at not going over others boundaries; I’ve hurt too many people and am scared of hurting more. I’m pretty bad at setting and enforcing my own. I am willing to do things […]