Self-Torture and Relationships

If you have read my last few posts, you are aware that I am interested in a woman, S, and, for the first time in years, have made the decision to pursue her further and see if we can grow our relationship in some way. This started 8 days ago and, while there have been […]

Interpersonal Effectiveness

This post is a post-therapy follow up to this post that I made right before therapy a few hours back. Things are nowhere near as dire as I had let myself to believe. I have not done anything wrong or been excessively pushy or really anything that would necessarily cause S to think that I’m […]

I Continue to Amaze Myself (and not in a Good Way)

Well, I’ve evidently been crazy since Sunday. The whole thing with this woman just completely got out of control and left me extraordinarily dysregulated. Now I get to switch to damage control and try to salvage a relationship, yet again. I had intended on discussing black and white thinking for my YouTube Channel this week. […]

Love

I got hit with a huge wave of love last night. It wasn’t to the point of discomfort like I had trouble with last month. I was watching television (The Great British Baking show) when it hit me. I was so happy, I literally cried. It was almost the same intensity as the fear I […]

Black and White Thinking

Ok. So, I had intended to never post here again and talk exclusively about recovery on the YouTube channel I just started (YouTube: Borderline Bloke). This was once again a case of black and white thinking… something that I have a LOT of trouble with. In fact, this week’s episode on YouTube is going to […]

Coincidence?

Do you believe in coincidence? Serendipity? Synchronicity? A confluence of events? N and I found ourselves sharing a bus today on a line that neither of us rides regularly. We had about 5 minutes to catch up before she had to get off of the bus. She shared that she had just been speaking of […]

Another Person Trying to Find the Gray

On the car ride home from a Refuge Recovery meeting this morning, one of my friend’s started to talk about her own moderate cannabis use. Needless to say, this got my attention. We were with my mentor (J) and his S.O. (S) who were evidently aware of her use already. I still haven’t told them […]