Fuck Eating

So, I shared with one of my housemates (A) about my recent eating and subsequent urges to use. I also told her I’m going to start restricting again to try to prevent me going on a run and fucking up my life. She’s super supportive of me and understands the ‘harm reduction’ aspect of choosing […]

Mania and the Dark Web

I think I’ve been trending toward manic the last few days. It may be being caused by my diet (anorexia can trigger mania) or vice versa. It’s all tied in together. Closely coupled, also, to my mania is me shopping on the dark web. Before I go any further, I want to state in no […]

‘Wasted’ (and, No, I’m not Relapsing on Drugs or Alcohol)

‘Wasted’, by Marya Hornbacher, is my favorite ED memoir, hands down. Marya is my age, born almost exactly 6 months earlier than me and, despite taking a rather female-centric approach to her work, I still take solace in the strikingly similar thoughts and (self-destructive) feelings towards oneself that she lays down on the page. It’s […]

Mornings

It seems as though I wake up every morning, disappointed I’m still alive. It takes me a long time to motivate myself to get out of bed and start my day. My first stop, when I finally rise, is in the bathroom. I use the toilet and then hop on the scale. If the number […]