Last night was pretty bad. I’m in better shape today, thankfully. This morning, I came across this article in the NY Times. It’s about a variety ways that recovery from addiction, specifically opioid addiction, can look. The following paragraph jumped out at me: Moreover, many of those who recover do it through professional treatment with […]

Aaand… Now I’m Feeling Suicidal

Coming on the heels of being horrendously triggered a few hours ago (and between one of the multiple sprints I’ve had to make to the bathroom tonight), I was on Facebook and learned that N graduated from treatment yesterday. Again, this occurs exactly 6 months from the day that I mentally fucked her and destroyed […]

Triggered AF

A and I went to the International Overdose Awareness Memorial in downtown Portland. They evidently wrapped up early, though. And, joy of joys, we parked right across the street from the needle exchange (and four junkies who were congregating there)… the same needle exchange I was at 6 months ago to the day, picking up […]

DBT Diary Card

I just filled out a DBT skills diary card for the first time in about a year. I briefly saw a therapist in Salt Lake City right around this time last year (yes, I fled New Jersey right around Labor Day last year). I’m approaching it a bit differently this time. Instead of second guessing […]

Back to Therapy

I’ve been offline the last week or so, trying to take care of shit (unsuccessfully). So, I’m enroute to a consultation with a therapist who will hopefully be a good fit for me to start seeing on a regular basis. I still don’t have insurance, so this is my attempt to stay alive for the […]

I Hate You. Don’t Leave Me.

I Hate You. Don’t Leave Me is one of the first, if not the first, books written for the layperson about borderline personality disorder (BPD). My wife gets it for people when they discover they, or someone they know, struggle with BPD. I just bought a copy for my roommate to give her a grounding […]

“I am a bad person and everyone hates me.”

I think (hope?) that that isn’t actually the case, but it certainly feels like it sometimes. The way it apparently works with me is that, if I do not have a positive interaction with a person, I start believing that I have done something wrong and that that person hates me. It happens all over […]