Tibetan Book of the Dead

I’ve been meaning to read the Tibetan Book of the Dead for several years now. During a conversation with the person helping me out with my project, she referenced it and prompted me to finally get off my ass and read it. Since I’ve been loosely involved in Buddhism for several years, and much more […]

1300 Calories!?!? (TW)

Its not a good sign when you’ve walked 6 miles over the course of the day and can’t believe you ate nearly 1300 calories. I didn’t even top 500 yesterday. And that’s why I’m still losing weight, even though I have stopped running. I’m also thinking that I might be slipping into a depression. I […]

Saw My Wife Today (ED TW)

First, let me just get this out there. Its been a few years since I’ve been anorexic without any ‘chemical assistance’ and I’ve forgotten how fucking exhausting it is to be chronically undernourished without the energy kick that something like crystal meth provides. Anyway, it didn’t take my wife two minutes to declare me ‘too […]

Still a Bit Mad

Things are definitely going better for me these days. I’m clean (71 days! Holy shit!). I’ve been eating a bit the last couple of days. Yes, my urges to use have gone up accordingly, but I’m keeping them in check and not picking up. I’ve been much more productive at work. I’ve got a small role […]


I had an interesting dinner this evening. I’ve had a pet project I’ve been working on a bit in my spare time and I’ve evidently crossed paths with someone who shares both my interest in and aptitude for this particular project. There’s not a lot of overlap in the general population for the two things, […]

Triggered AF Right Now

I’m not sure what kicked this off, but I am really fucking triggered right now. I just packed up work, after only three hours, and just jumped on a bus to the Alano Club, to just do meetings all day. I’ve talked to J also. He knows I’m triggered, though I minimized how bad it […]

Starting to Open Up About ED (TW)

I came out in the EDA meeting yesterday. I told my mentor, J, this morning about my struggles. I put a request for help on the private Facebook page for my SA/ED rehab group from this summer. J acknowledged that he lacks relevant experience to help with specifics, but did encourage me to seek help […]