Journaling More Lately

I’ve been putting pen to paper much more recently (and writing less here as a result). Part of that has to do with privacy. Very few people I know IRL have any idea this blog exists. Of those, I suspect, though I certainly don’t know, that those folks infrequently, or never, read what I write […]

I Always Feel Like I’m About to be Fired

I’m early for my meeting with my bankruptcy trustee. It’s stressing me out somewhat. Plus, I just got a Skype from my boss that he wants to talk later. I always imagine it’s because I’m about to be let go. It’s fairly irrational. Being let go would be coming completely out of left field. I […]

Borderline Personality Disorder

I had a lengthy conversation with my wife this evening. We settled into a detailed conversation about my borderline personality disorder and it was pretty interesting. First, let me go back and say that all my major self-destructive behaviors (drug abuse, eating disorder, cutting, etc) are all merely the most obvious symptoms of my BPD. […]

Going a Bit Off the Rails

My urges to use have been pretty intense the last few days. I spoke to J and put some protections in place to make sure I don’t cop today and I think I’m pretty good as far as that goes. I am keeping some secrets again, though. I’m thinking about sharing some of them at […]

I’m the ‘Bad’ One

Whoa… I was just thinking about my housemates and their foibles that brought them in to recovery and I realized: I’m the ‘Bad’ One. I’m the one that used to IV heroin and meth. Despite bringing into the house more money then anyone else, I’m simultaneously the most unstable and dangerous to myself and others. […]

Fuck Eating

So, I shared with one of my housemates (A) about my recent eating and subsequent urges to use. I also told her I’m going to start restricting again to try to prevent me going on a run and fucking up my life. She’s super supportive of me and understands the ‘harm reduction’ aspect of choosing […]